Darkest Before the Dawn
by bibliophilia13
Summary: Jellal never imagined that when he got his memories back that it would affect him this way. He also never imagined that Erza would be so key in helping him deal with it. It seems like nothing ever happened the way he imagined. Rated M for adult content/themes.


**Hi guys. New one-shot here.**

 **The good news is I only have two more weeks left of the semester. I have another story at least halfway written that I planned to publish over the summer. As of right now it is about 14 chapter, but I am still in the writing/editing process. Once the semester ends, I should be able to get the rest of it written pretty quickly. I'll come up with some kind of schedule to release it.**

 **In the meantime, enjoy.**

 _Jellal opened the door to his small apartment tossed off his white jacket, placing it carefully on the hook on the wall. He took a quick look in the mirror that hung near the door. His usual mirth that was a permanent fixture of his personality as well as the smug grin, the one he knew caused the other council members to shoot him disdainful looks, were gone from his face. He ran his hands through his hair and walked back towards where his bed sat against the corner of his room._

 _"Congratulations,_ Master Siegrain _." The sultry voice came from the hallway Jellal had just come from. It wouldn't be the first time that Ultear had appeared in his apartment from out of nowhere. Jellal rolled his eyes, not bothering to give the woman a look._

 _"I hate that name." He sighed as he proceeded to take off his shoes and socks, tossing them to the side. "It is just a means to an end."_

 _"But still," Ultear continued to move towards him. The sway in her hips would be tempting to any young man. When Jellal finally looked her way, he could see that she was dressed in her usual provocative style, just barely fitting the parameters of what would be considered "professional" for her position on the Magic Council. Her top was cut low to expose the tops of her breasts and her skirt ended high on her thighs._

 _"It is no small feat to gain rank amongst the ten wizard saints." Ultear continued as she stopped to stand between Jellal's legs. One hand came up to play with the tips of his hair that tickled the back of his neck. "Doesn't it feel nice to have all that work pay off?"_

 _"We aren't nearly done. I will be satisfied when the Tower of Heaven has finally fulfilled its purpose." He said ignoring the attention his was receiving from the woman._

 _"Oh Jellal," Ultear gave a small chuckle as she leaned forward into him. She leaned up to whisper into his ear. "You put too much pressure on yourself. You should learn to relax a little." Then she took his earlobe into her mouth and nibbled gently as her hand moved to massage him through the front of his pants._

 _"Ultear," Jellal said with a voice full on conviction as he took her hand away from his front. "I'm not interested." If he had been paying attention he would have seen the slight glint of irritation in her eyes as it was quickly replaced by an air of confidence. She grabbed his face with both hands and turned his eyes to look into her own._

 _"You_ know you want this _." She purred and watched as his eyes gained a dazed look. At that point his whole demeanor changed. Jellal shifted back onto the bed as if giving a poor attempt to get away from her._

 _"I want this." He mumbled quietly. Ultear gave a smirk before crawling up to straddle his hips._

 _"Tell me that_ you want me _." She demanded as her hands made his way to his belt to undo the buckle. But, Jellal's head felt fuzzy. He had a hard time telling what he wanted. He recognized Ultear taking his belt off and grinding against him. He could feel his body responding and took in a sharp breath._

 _"I want you." He heard himself mumble, but something in his head was telling him that this wasn't right, something wasn't right. The next thing he recognized was his shirt being removed and Ultear on top of him wearing just her bra and underwear. He wasn't sure at what point he had lost his pants, he was only aware that they were missing._

 _"Tell me_ you need me _." She said with a soft moan as she continued her grinding motion against his hardness._

 _"I need you." He mumbled back, but again, he knew that this was wrong. '_ **No, I don't want this**.' _He thought, but his body continued to respond anyway. He could feel the panic starting to settle in as he watched Ultear lean her body over him and leave long and heated kisses down his neck and throat. He willed himself to not react, but he could feel his body betraying him, making Ultear continue with her actions. He wanted to tell her no, but the message never crossed his lips._

 _"_ Kiss me _." She ordered and followed it with a heated moan. Jellal tried to protest, he tried to refuse, but found it was all in vein. He felt like he could only watch as one hand grabbed the dark haired woman and pulled her in for a fierce kiss as the other held tightly to her bare hip. Once again, he wasn't sure when she had removed the last of her clothing or when he had lost the last of his. He just begged his body to stop as he continued to kiss her down her neck and chest as she closed her eyes from the pleasure she received._

 _"_ Give in to me _." Ultear's next command came and Jellal wanted to do anything but that. But, again he was left helpless as he watched his body roll on top of the woman and her pleasured gasp as he moved on top of her._

"No!" Jellal shot up in bed breathing heavily. His heart was beating erratically and he felt completely covered in sweat. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't in his old apartment that he used during his charade at the Magic Council. No, he was at a hotel. He had met Erza there after her mission; he snuck in from the balcony. Ultear wasn't here; she had been gone for years… and yet his heart still pounded as if he were in real danger and not simply reliving a memory.

He sat up in bed and ran his hands through sweaty hair before looking to his side. Erza was still there and still sound sleep. She didn't seem to notice his distress, something that he was grateful for at the moment. He gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead before getting up from the bed. He desperately needed a shower to wash away the sweat and hopefully the painful memories brought on by his dream.

Jellal had been up for hours now. The shower had left his body refreshed, but his head and his heart were too preoccupied by memories of his past. Instead of lying in bed, tossing and turning in his struggle for sleep, he stood out on the balcony and watched the stars as the hours of the early morning passed by him. He always found comfort in the stars; they were a constant that had been there his whole life. The stars were there before he had been taken to the Tower. The stars were there while he was being manipulated by Ultear. The stars were there while he was in jail for his crimes against the Magic Council. The stars were there when he thought that Erza was lost to him forever

The stars were here for him now.

He pulled his gaze away from the heavens when he heard the covers rustling from inside of the room. He briefly glanced over to see that Erza was sitting up and looking around the room. He chose not to say anything to her. She would find him soon enough and it wouldn't be the first time she had found him looking up at the stars in the early morning hours. Instead, Jellal looked at his hands which were folded together as he leaned his elbows on the rail of the balcony. He always felt it was hard to look at her after a night filled nightmares with Ultear. Jellal heard the soft foot falls of her bare feet as she approached him.

"Jellal?" Erza's voice called to him, her voice still slightly hoarse with sleep. "Is everything alright?"

Jellal nodded wordlessly, which spoke volumes to the scarlet haired woman. They had been in each other's company long enough that she knew there was more behind his silence.

"Which one was it?" Erza asked. The compassion was evident in her voice. She hated to see him like this just as much as Jellal hated for her to see him this way.

"It was the one with Ultear… after becoming part of the Magic Council." He said reluctantly. He hated having to recount the memory to Erza. She only knew about it when he woke from the haunting memory in a panic one night. She had tried to comfort him, and he had pushed her away as he shouted "Don't touch me." If Jellal had his way, he would have never admitted that it had happened at all. But after his intense reaction, there was no way that Erza would have let the situation go without an explanation.

Erza approached Jellal carefully, and Jellal hated the feeling when Erza treated him like he was a piece of broken glass, but at the same time his heart swelled with affection that the woman considered his wellbeing. She was one of the only people that ever truly considered what he might want. It was still difficult to process after being used his whole life. Jellal didn't flinch when she moved her arm between his and wiggled her hand to hold his. He opened his hands and held on to hers willingly. Then she leaned her head to rest her check against his shoulder. She felt so warm.

"How long have you been out here?" Erza asked as she began to rub his arm with her other hand. Before he could tell her that it was an odd question to ask, she explained herself with a simple observation. "You're so cold."

Jellal let out a sigh as if he was disappointed that he couldn't hide the length of his star gazing from Erza. He supposed that if it were just star gazing, it wouldn't be a problem. What made it an issue was that it was a measurement of suffering and insomnia.

"Hours…" He replied and turned to look at Erza to gauge her reaction to the fact that he had gotten very little sleep during the night. He was taken in by her beauty, just like every time he saw her. Her long scarlet hair was hanging down and blown lightly by a slight breeze. The skin of her shoulders and neck were exposed to the early morning air due to the thin straps of her blue chemise. The night dress hugged her curves in all the right ways and left most of her legs exposed as well. More surprising than that was that her eyes weren't trained on him like he thought they would. Instead they were gazing up at the sky, looking at the stars that were just beginning to fade as the morning light began to touch the horizon changing its tone from dark to a lighter blue just before dawn.

"As much as I like the view," Erza started and then turned to look at Jellal with a smirk on her lips. "I wish that you would wear your shirt so that you wouldn't get so cold." She let her smile spread and placed a soft kiss on his bare shoulder before resting her cheek against it once more.

Jellal couldn't help but let the smile form on his lips before he looked at his own manner of dress. After his quick shower he had only pulled on a pair of sweats before deciding that he should go on the balcony for some air. It was just like Erza to say nothing on how miserable the nightmares made him feel, or how his strategy to cope with the haunting memories was so poor and to comment instead on his poor choice of clothing to protect him from the elements. It still baffled his mind that she could look past his grievances and treat him with the upmost care.

"Erza…" Jellal spoke softly as he rested his head against hers. He heard her hum in response before he asked his question.

"Will these dreams ever get any easier?" Jellal asked quietly as he felt emotions well up into his eyes, something he could really only do in front of Erza. He was only ever comfortable enough to do this in front of Erza. "Or do you think that it will remain a constant for the rest of my life?"

Jellal felt Erza start to move and lifted his head so that she could look up at him. Erza's hand came up to his cheek and turned his head so that he looked into her eyes.

"It never gets any easier." She said in a quiet whisper. Jellal's head fell slightly, feeling overwhelmed and tired from the emotional toll he was bearing. Erza placed her hand under his chin to bring his gaze back to hers. She wiped away a tear that fell from his eyes and he stared directly into her beautiful brown orbs.

"These dreams, these memories will remain a constant throughout your life until the day that you die." Erza continued as Jellal turned his whole body towards her. She brought her other hand up to be able to hold his head in her hands. At that moment, Jellal thought that her gaze was so intense that he wouldn't dare to look away.

"You must learn how to bear them. Every day you can push past them and live your life, you defeat them… and everyday these memories that haunt you will come back just as strong as the day before. You will be tired, and some days you will lose hope, but you must push past them. Every day that you do, you will get stronger. Until one day you can push past them without any pause. The pain doesn't change, but you can grow to be stronger than the pain." As Erza spoke, tears came to her own eyes and yet the passion behind her words never faded.

Jellal felt a lump develop in his throat. He opened his mouth to try to speak, but Erza stopped him.

"And I don't want to hear that you are undeserving. I don't want you to say that this is part of your penance for your past… No one deserves to be used the way that Ultear used you…" Erza's voice faltered and cracked as more tears fell down her face.

Jellal's hand came up to wipe the moisture from Erza's eyes before he brought her lips to his for a kiss. Both of them were shaking, and both of their faces were wet from crying, but there was no doubt about the feelings behind it. As the kiss ended, Jellal embraced Erza, holding her tight against him. He pressed his nose against her neck and took in a shaky breath before he whispered, "Stay with me?"

"What about your guild?" Erza asked as her grip on him tightened.

"They aren't expecting me for at least another day." He replied. He felt Erza pull away from him to look up at his face with a small smile on her lips.

"Yes, I will stay with you." Erza said before leaning in to claim his lips in another kiss. As they parted, Erza grabbed his hand to pull him back into their room. Jellal took one last look at the sky from over his shoulder.

It was the dawn of a new day.


End file.
